A Tribute to My Camera

He was loyal, dependable and sleek. My constant good companion, always at the ready. He loved long walks on the beach, sunsets, dogs, and the open road. He saw the best in everyone, and deleted the worst. He could coax a smile from a surly teenager, and make sure fat pants were never, ever in the frame.

He never missed a milestone: birthdays, graduations, recitals, karaoke nights, he was there. He was there when Teen Demon launched herself over a 5'1" high jump bar. He was there when the Male Offspring tied that snotnosed kid up like a pretzel, and slammed him down on the mat in 30 seconds. He was there when the eldest played Tzeitel in Fiddler on the Roof.

He was there when I saw that UFO off the coast, and even though everyone else shook their heads and called me a crazyass bitch, he believed me.

He was the only one in his class with an ISO option of 50. When I wasn't sure what options to use, he quietly and automatically set things up, and never rubbed it in my face. And quick! A frame a second was nothing to him. He could catch a shot of a fineass man before you could say Who's Your Daddy?

Oh, Camera -- you met your end on a blue metal banister at the community pool, thanks to a rudeass Barbified teenbrat with right-of-way entitlement issues. It was Friday the 13th. Even in your last moment, your selfless devotion saved my hip from a nasty purple bruise. I should've stood my ground for you, Camera, I should've made her go around.

I should've bitchslapped her ass to the cold concrete floor.

I'm sorry, Camera. I will always remember your bright and shiny ways and your can-do attitude. I will miss your cheery demeanor. You live on, in my heart, and in your photographs.

And I caught you then in your moment of glory
Your last dramatic scene against a night sky stage
With a moment so clear that it's as if you're still before me
My once in a lifetime star of an age

So fare thee well my bright star
Last night the tongues of fire circled me around
And this strange season of pain will come to pass
When the healing hands of autumn cool me down

Fare Thee Well, The Indigo Girls