15 July 2008


Do you all remember The Rat? If not, click and go read -- absolutely essential backstory for today's tale of intrigue.

What? You think I don't see you trying to skip ahead? Please, I can hear the heavy breathing from here. You probably read Cliff Notes as a kid. To quote the Brady Bunch dad, You're only cheating yourself Bobby; and cheaters never prosper. In fact, sometimes they end up divorced with an ex-wife who suddenly develops a penchant for voodoo dolls. That's right, Bobby. Think about it.

I'll wait.

Okay, so the other day I come home from work, open up the fridge to grab a beer, and come face to face with ... The Rat. Like you didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, okay, you got me. Ha, ha, very funny, son. But wait ... what's that red ... holy scalpels, Batman! The Rat had been stitched up like a grisly FrankenRodent! It's true. The Rat was sporting an I-incision with bright red stitching, complete with decorative beadwork. Apparently, my eldest and my youngest spent the afternoon in a study session reviewing Male Offspring's freshman biology lab notes.

Here are the gory details. My kids are nothing if not creative. And twisted.

Warning: This presentation is intended for mature audiences and contains disturbing elements of extreme violence, blood and gore. Animals were definitely harmed for this presentation. Procedures not carried out by licensed medical personnel.


  1. Those guilted sheep will do it every time! And what the hell ever happened to lazer surgery????

    Creative? check
    Imaginative? check
    Artistic? check
    Sick? Double check

    Love and how is that going to be topped?

  2. Good lord! You're children are channeling my brothers and me. I am so glad I didn't have a mouth full of coffee.

    Those kids need summer jobs. Just sayin'.

    Great job! I give it a very high 9 out of 10.

  3. The apples don't fall far from the tree do they?

    Ever thought about doing this to your ex? Bwaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

  4. well, im here but took me forever...and couldn't get the rat video to come up...dang!

  5. I couldn't get the video to work either! I'm bummed....

  6. Willym: Damn it, those guilted sheep cause even more mayhem than the quilted ones. Woolly bastards. From what I understand, laproscopic surgery was considered, but due to budget constraints and limited training, they opted for kitchen knives and Leatherman tools rather than more current methods. No idea how they'll top it, but I have faith.

    EvilG: Really? That's a relief. I thought they were channeling Beelzebub. Yes, funny how the one wiht a summer job was conspicuously absent from the surgical team. I'll pass on your score -- they'll be pleased.

    RG: 1) They certainly don't. 2) Yes.

    YDG & Elizabeth: No! I suspect the Republicans ... always out to ruin good fun and unauthorized medical procedures. Fun suckers.

  7. Keep an eye on your bunny slippers, just sayin'.

    That was absolutely brilliant, sick and hysterical!! Best laugh I've had all damn week.

  8. its jet lag I tell you... not a lack of education!!!! That 10 hour time difference will do it to you every thyme.

  9. Nice stitchwork!
    I can tell by the look on his face,that Rat is feeling much better.

  10. I am giggling out loud. Your kids will be great surgeons.

  11. Those damn kids could be out scoring drugs and having unprotected sex but noooooooooooo...

  12. Yay! I finally saw the pix. That is one seriously awesome practical joke! I am a life-long teaser and joker and they kick some joke ass!!!!

  13. Doralong: Yeah, they keep me laughing all the damn time. Sometimes to the point of choking.

    Willym: I rather liked the idea of guilted sheep ...

    Sling: Thanks -- glad their skills are doing are someone some good. And yes, he seems to have a bit more pep in his step these days.

    Mom: Unfortunately, none of them seem to have an interest in that line of work, which could easily provide me with my retirement bunglalow in Spain. Brats. Squandering their talents.

    Lorraine: Ha! I know, right?

    E: Oh good -- I'm glad you finally got to see the deviant goings-on that are my life.


I've got a fever ...